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Little Kids Taking Big Action

How to Raise an Upstander

By Bo Young Lee

Director of Noggin Content Marketing Strategy & Mom of 2

Deciding to be an upstander – instead of a bystander – when encountering acts of unfairness is challenging at any age. It takes kindness, courage, and empathy.  When kids see something wrong happening, it may be difficult for them to speak up or stand up for themselves or others. As parents, we can help to empower them with ways to actively support what’s right – whether it’s taking action when they see unfairness or speaking up for someone who may be excluded. It also paves the way for them to grow up to become change-makers. 

In her recent article, “Raising Young Upstanders from the Start: Advice from a Preschool Leader and Mom,”  Sarah Brown, director of The Williamsburg Neighborhood Nursery School, wrote, “The idea that everyone deserves to be treated fairly and kindly … These are skills that must be learned early, to help children grow into empathetic and kind adults, who will stand up for those not being treated kindly or fairly.”

Especially for younger children, understanding and getting comfortable with how to be an upstander takes time and patience. Here are some suggested steps, as well as related Noggin content, that may help them to understand – and enact – upstanding behavior. 

What Is an Upstander?

First, help kids understand what it means to be an upstander. You can explain to them, “An upstander is a person who is brave, and speaks up and offers support when they see something that is not fair.” Talk about examples of upstanders in their daily lives or community members who model this kind of behavior. Or, discuss times when they’ve stood up for themselves or others.

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Help Kids Identify Unfairness

An important part of being an upstander is first recognizing when something isn’t right or fair. Help children notice words or actions that are unkind, especially those that relate to differences in skin color, body features, culture, ethnicity, religion, language spoken, gender, or abilities. At a young age, it’s sometimes difficult for kids to see beyond their own self, so try to make it relatable for them. For instance, ask if they can think of a situation when something unfair happened to them or when they felt left out because of their differences.

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Understanding Empathy

Once children are able to recognize instances of unfairness, help them to ask others how they feel with questions like “Did you like that?” or “Are you okay?” or “Do you need help?” Ms. Brown wrote, “Raising upstanders begins with growing empathy and cultivating the urge to help when someone else is feeling sad or having other uncomfortable feelings.” Show kids how to use emotional and situational cues to imagine or identify what others might be thinking or feeling in the face of injustice. “He’s sitting alone and looks sad. Why do you think that might be?”

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Taking Action

The next step is to encourage children to express one’s opinion respectfully and strongly to put a stop to unkind words or behavior. This may include speaking up for oneself, speaking up for others, or asking a grownup for assistance. If they feel uncomfortable using their voice, remind them they can stand up for others with other actions, like playing with someone who is excluded or expressing care and concern to those who have experienced unfairness. It may be hard for kids to tell the difference between tattling or speaking up. Dr. Candice Jones, an Orlando pediatrician, told TODAY Parents, “Telling on someone for little things is not what we want to encourage … We want to squash tattling. But we don’t want to discourage reporting, and so a distinction can be if it’s something that can hurt someone.”

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Practice and Model Upstanding Behavior

Keep practicing! Inspire kids to continue speaking up or standing up for others through your own interactions. Children take note of their grown-ups’ behavior, so modeling upstanding ways in your daily life can be a powerful tool. Reading stories about upstanders in history is another great approach. Ms. Brown wrote, “[Age four to five] is perfect to introduce simple books and biographies about people in history who are ‘upstanders,’ those who noticed unfairness and inequity, and who stood up for those who weren’t treated with kindness and fairness.” Recommending an age-appropriate book list, she explained, “These stories serve as a jumping off point for rich conversations about justice, fairness, and how we can help make the world a safer, more equitable place.” 

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Since its first historic performance in 1958, Ailey has been innovating and evolving the perception of American modern dance throughout the world. Noggin is honored to partner with them in helping kids all over get up moving, learning, and expressing their feelings through dance. Because movement has meaning when we dance how we’re feeling!